Tim MacWelch

The Essential Pandemic Survival Guide


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A frightening proposition, if the disease is lethal. Perhaps the best known super spreader was Mary Mallon, also known as Typhoid Mary. Mallon was a cook for a number of different families in New York City. She was an asymptomatic carrier of typhoid fever, a potentially deadly disease caused by the bacteria Salmonella typhi. Mallon infected 51 people between 1902 to 1909. Three of those infected died from the illness. She was eventually placed under involuntarily quarantine (locked up) by public health authorities at Brothers Island in New York, until her death in 1938. If you don’t have strong COVID-19

      symptoms, but everyone around you gets sick after your

      close contact—you might be a super spreader. All the

      more reason for everyone to stay the hell at home.

      BEWARE THESUPER SPREADER

      ISOLATION Methods used to separate patients infected with a communicable disease to isolate them from healthy persons,

      usually in a healthcare setting.

      LOCKDOWN A government order preventing people from entering or leaving a specific area without special permission

      or performing essential functions.

      OUTBREAK A sudden rise in the number of cases of a disease

      in a specific region.

      PANDEMIC An epidemic that crosses international boundaries,

      affecting people on a multiple continents.

      PPE This stands for “Personal Protective Equipment,” the specialized clothing and equipment such as masks and hazmat suits used as a safeguard against physical, chemical,

      or biological hazards.

      QUARANTINE Separating and restricting the movement of

      people exposed (or potentially exposed) to a contagious disease.

      R0=X Pronounced “R-naught,” an estimate of the average

      number of new cases of a disease that each infected person

      generates. R0 estimates for the virus that causes COVID-19 are R0=~2-3, which is slightly higher than that for seasonal flu (R0=~1.2-1.3), but far lower than more contagious diseases

      such as measles (R0=~12-18).

      SHELTER IN PLACE A directive issued by local, state or national government in which residents are either asked or ordered to remain at their place of residence, except to

      conduct essential activities.

      SOCIAL DISTANCING Measures taken to reduce person-to-person contact in order to stop or slow down the spread of a

      contagious disease.

      ZOONOSIS The process by which an infectious disease caused by a pathogen jumps from n animals to humans. More than

      two-thirds of human viruses are thought to be zoonotic.

      Infectedperson

      Average people infected

      COVID-19 2-3 new cases per infected person

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      By this point, everyone (hopefully) knows that you should be washing your hands for at least 20 seconds, or as long as it takes for you to sing “Happy Birthday” twice. But man is that tune getting tired! Here are some other options for your

      hand-washing pleasure.

      SING A

       20-SECOND SONG

      To be sure kids wash long enough, help them time a 20-second rhyme they’ll remember, or try this version of the old standard: “Twinkle, twinkle little star. Look how clean my two hands are. Around my wrists, now twist that thumb, lace my fingers, almost done. Twinkle, twinkle little star. Look how

      clean my two hands are.”

      HELP KIDS WASH UP

      • One full chorus of Prince’s “Raspberry Beret.”

      • Lady Macbeth’s “Out Damn Spot” monologue from, duh, Macbeth

      • The chorus to Beyoncé’s “Love on Top.” Belt it out like the Queen Bey of the washroom.

      • The chorus to Dolly Parton’s “Jolene,” with as much slow-mo emotion as you can muster.

      • “Baby Shark” at least twice through the entire Shark family.

      • Three times through the rousing “We Will Rock You” chorus from Queen’s song of the same name. Style points if you shout-sing “We will, we will, wash you! (Wash you!)” to your hands.

      • More into reality TV? E News suggests a heartfelt rendition of Peter’s mom’s viral plea from The

       Bachelor

      : “Bud, Hannah Ann loves

       you with all of her heart. Don’t let

       her go. Don’t let her go. Bring her

       home to us.”

      Nothing fights germs like frequent and thorough hand washing. Even though we’ve been washing our hands without help since childhood, it’s smart to consider the hand-washing details that doctors employ. Short fingernails, good washing technique, warm water, and ample soap might just stop the next

      pandemic before it starts.

      STEP 1 Turn on the warm water and

      wet your hands.

      STEP 2 Apply soap to the palms and

      backs of your hands.

      STEP 3 Rub your soapy palms

      together.

      STEP 4 Rub your palm on the back of your hand, threading the fingers of your top hand between your

      lower fingers.

      STEP 5 Rub your palms together, interlacing your fingers and

      scrubbing them.

      STEP 6 Bend your fingers under, face your hands palm to palm, and scrub

      your fingernails together.

      STEP 7 Wash each thumb by using

      the opposite hand to twist it.

      STEP 8 Using your fingernails, scrub the palm of each hand in a

      circular motion.

      STEP 9 Rinse both hands with

      warm water.

      STEP 10 Dry your hands with a

      disposable paper towel.

      STEP 11 Turn off the water, using the paper towel as a barrier to the

      faucet handle.

      WASH LIKE A SURGEON

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      basics

      So if the experts are telling us that the coronavirus can live on cardboard for up to three hours and on plastic for three days, are we at risk from incoming packages? Well, your risk of being shot by a monkey with a zip gun is very very low, but it’s never zero. It’s never going to be zero. If you have that