that if I wanted to talk I would have to create some space between us and I liked things just as they were – warm, safe, loved, protected, and on the verge of uncontrolled passion.
Michael put his hands on my shoulders and separated us by an arms length; he looked into my eyes and said with all seriousness, “What are we going to do?”
With the space he created came some clarity for me. I took his hands from my shoulders and held them in front of me – more space and more clarity but our connection remained strong.
“Michael, I have some stuff I want to talk to you about but I’m uncertain about any of it.”
I began my dialogue. Michael just listened but kept his eyes on my face.
“Remember yesterday when I told you I was working on something that may free you from our connection?” He nodded.
“Well,” I continued.
“I’m, thinking that it’s not right that I make you wait. If it were to actually work you could have the next three days to step out during the ports of call. You can probably guess that I’ve waited out of self survival and fear. Fear is big.”
I could feel the heat of my emotion stinging my eyes. It seemed so important that he understood where I was coming from.
“As for completing the connection…that’s a touchy subject. I want to protect you from ruining the good thing you have going with your foreigner and at the same time protect my vows. So, the complete connection will be an absolute last effort. But, I promise that some time today I’ll make it happen for you at least. The action has to be a surprise so I can’t tell you when. I don’t know myself. I’ll have to see when an opportunity presents itself.” There I got it all out.
“I understood all that before; you’ve restated your point of view and I won’t argue. I do wish that you would not be so concerned with how our situation affects anyone else. Whatever happens between us is just that, between us.”
Then he drew me to him and wrapped his arms around me. See how easily he could makes things all better – the fear and anxiety just drifted away replaced with gratitude and peace, and a strong desire to get closer.
I closed my eyes and inhaled his scent, slipped my arms around his waist and squeezed him tight into me. He responded by adjusting his arms in order to put his hands flat on my back. We crushed each other with the hug. We stood motionless and allowed the beauty of our connection to bring us balance and peace and ease. It felt so good, so sweet, and so wonderfully easy. That was a pose that I could hold all day. It ended when Michael took my hand, hooked our pinkies and pulled me into his cabin.
“I feel like watching a little TV.” He led us to the pushed together beds and fluffed up the pillows and motioned for me to take one side. He grabbed the remote control and then joined me on the bed.
He found some sports to watch and was happy. I closed my eyes and took a nap.
I smiled as I saw him coming to me with open arms. We embraced and then kissed a long, passionate kiss. On the grass holed up in each others arms. He moved his hands over my breasts, getting to know them and luxuriated in their silkiness as he squeezed, touched, and felt them tenderly and possessively. We were naked, warm skin on very smooth warm skin. The progression was natural, he penetrated me. I hadn’t had sex in many, many years and knew that I was small and tight, the reason for the pain during entry but only initially. As he moved in and out of me, the pain gave way to pleasure and then the need to return that pleasure. “Oh God,” I moaned, “please Michael.” Before I could make another sound his mouth was on mine and I suckled his tongue when he put it in my mouth to taste me. I ran my fingers over his back and back side. My hands gripped his fanny, I pulled him to me, aiding in the effort to get deeper inside of me. When he reached his climax, I allowed myself to do the same. “Oh God,” I said again, “Oh, wow Michael.” I moaned his name and even that act was pure pleasure. I was hot from the physical contact and sweating so I lay very still but wore my smile as a badge.
When I opened my eyes Michael was watching me sporting a very sexy look all his own. He said, “I think I just watched you have sex with me in a dream. Don’t mind telling you it was quite a turn on. I’d like to make you moan like that for real.”
“Should I be embarrassed?”
I wasn’t. Having a dream didn’t break any vows and didn’t compromise his engagement either. I guess I could be embarrassed if I knew what I said aloud.
“I remember what happened but I don’t know what you could have heard.” I confessed.
“You said: ‘Oh God, please Michael’ and then you said ‘oh God’ and finally you said ‘Oh wow Michael’ and then you moaned.”
He made his voice sound all moany and sexy.
“It was so good to watch and hear that I committed it to memory. Any time in my life when I want to feel good, I’ll bring up that memory and I’ll be happy.”
He closed his eyes to bring the memory back and test his storage and recall method. He didn’t want to ever lose that precious vision of me in a made up paradise with him as the pleasure giver.
Enjoying his desire to see us together as we were in my dream; I smiled at him. He scooted close to my side, pulled our hooked pinkies apart in order to intertwine our fingers. The force of that change in the connect was profound. As the warmth spread over my entire body from head to toe as it did to Michael, I lay very still and concentrated on my breathing.
Still propped up on a stack of pillows I was utterly comfortable. It couldn’t have been more perfect and to top it all off, Michael pulled himself up on his elbow to look at me.
He leaned in close and whispered, “May I kiss you? It’s just that when you talked in your sleep and said my name, it was like you were kissing me. I wanted to kiss you but I didn’t have your permission.”
He waited while I filtered the request through my propriety meter. He was surprised when I reacted in an affirmative manner. He didn’t know that that was my opening for the ‘kiss back’. I was excited to see if I could pull it off but I was also a bit afraid for myself. But, oh my God, I saw how happy he was.
So, I went for it.
“Michael, may I give you a kiss back?”
“That would be good.”
He took his time making sure that things fit where he wanted them to fit. We were perfectly aligned; our positions couldn’t have been more strategic. He brought his lips to mine, and brushed them across mine a couple of times, so tender and exquisitely teasing. He then parted his lips to touch my lips with his tongue reaching inside. Then Michael brought his whole mouth down on mine in a domineering move.
“Ok,” I thought, “this isn’t going to be a peck on the cheek.”
In less than a heart beat I was lost in his kiss, his breath, his taste, his scent. “Wait…wait.” What was I doing? Oh God, Michael, never mind.
My hands were in his hair. I wanted to touch every part of him at once. I wanted to see the pleasure in his face. I wanted to hear his sighs and moans and every single utterance he had to say or not say. I wanted it all.
It was quiet at first but insistent, that voice in the way back, it was saying something. Go away voice I’m busy. It’s crazy how alluring a whisper can be. I listened and caught a bit on the wind “..focus..” I held still and listened hard. There it was “…Helen, focus…”
“Please voice,” I begged. I wanted to get lost in that experience.
“Be quiet for awhile.” Before I had to strain to hear it but the voice was getting louder.
“Helen focus on what’s right.”
Oh, I could hear it loud and clear. Was I supposed to answer that riddle while Michael’s lips were on mine? I’m pretty sure that would put the entire cosmic universe out of whack.
‘Helen,