I guess we can.”
“Michael can we try doing these two things at the same time. I’ll use the bathroom and you order lunch? It would be a short disconnect.”
“I think that’s pushing it and I may get anxious.” I could see the trepidation in his eyes.
“Let’s be verbal. Talk to me if there’s an issue.”
“Like that will do a lot of good when you are in the john with your drawers down; you aren’t going to want to come running to me when you haven’t finished your job.”
“I see your point.” So what’s your suggestion?”
“We can stay connected while we do these two things, we will probably have more opportunities to test the connection when we’re on the balcony and at lunch.” He was pretty clear.
“Ok.” I didn’t want to push it but I was dying to know if the kiss back worked. I was also thinking of trying it again like Michael suggested. Having him deliver the kiss back might be something good for me, especially with the power of the connect behind it. Those were new thoughts that I’d share with him after I developed them a bit.
We stood close while Michael ordered lunch and I just pointed to items that I wanted. We knew the routine, it would be 30 minutes. We headed for the bathroom and our temporary disconnect and the ‘through the door thing.’ I didn’t hesitate, as soon as we got to the door, I opened it, rushed in, did my business, washed my hands, and head to the door said, “I’m coming.”
Michael was waiting for me with open arms. We embraced and held on for a minute. He found my pinkie and pulled me to the balcony. That was smooth.
We settled ourselves on our chaise lounge chairs with our feet together for a quick game of catch.
I squealed with joy when Michael missed the first pitch I threw to him. Yes, I threw it very hard but that was the game. He didn’t like it one bit and said that he needed to warm up before it counted. He peppered it back to me and it would have gone into my balcony if I hadn’t really stretched to reach it. He was impressed that I was able to save his fast and wild pitch.
I was starting to wonder about Michael and his true ability at the catch. The connect may have been assisting him more than we knew – probably like it was assisting me.
Sadness swept over me like the fog in San Francisco Bay. I was pretty sure that Michael was beginning to lose the connection between us. I wondered if he would be honest with me and tell me about how he was feeling. I shouldn’t be sad because that was what I wanted. Maybe I was just worried about myself and my need.
He caught the object I threw to him. I tried not to let up on my pitch so that I would know for sure but he caught it without any trouble. We played back and forth for awhile and maybe he really did need the practice. We were working up a pretty good sweat when the knock came from the room service staff.
Lunch arrived and was served on the balcony again. We ate without incident except for a few minutes right after we were finished. I thought I could drop the connect while we were seated close to each other, so I released my grip on our pinkies. Michael felt the change and looked at me like I was trying to steal his wallet.
“What are you doing to the connection, Helen?” He sounded irritated.
“I just wanted to see something. I think we should test to see if anything has changed in the connection mostly for you because of the kiss back. We are sitting right next to each other, if there’s a problem, we can hook up immediately.”
“Oh, ok,” Michael said as he let go of the strangle hold he had on my pinkie. Some of his frustration evaporated but he was still on edge. I watched and paid particular attention to the connection between us.
I still felt connected. “Michael, do you still feel connected? Tell me what you are feeling?”
“I think we need to go back to the stateroom and try something else. I’m feeling exasperated and on the verge of anger.”
He didn’t answer my question. The hair went up on the back of my neck. Something was wrong. Did I screw everything up with that stupid kiss back?
Putting my hand on his, I stood. “So, let’s go.” I said as I pulled him up.
We took care of the remains of the lunch stuff.
We stood at the door of his stateroom after the lunch chore was handled looking at each other and then we looked at the pushed together beds.
“You are going to talk to me aren’t you? Do you have something in mind to do while we’re in here?”
I had a bunch of questions that I’d like him to answer but I’d be satisfied if he just responded to those two.
“We should try the kiss back on you even if it won’t be a surprise and you have already experienced it.”
He continued.
“What I’m feeling is a loss. I need this for you. I need to please you and I am frustrated that I am not allowed to. Can’t we try?”
Trying wouldn’t be bad except we didn’t know what the connect would do.
“Are you saying that we are now out of balance?”
I wanted to understand what was happening with him so that I could be part of the solution.
“That’s exactly what I’m saying.”
“Ok, do you think you can remember what I did to you for the kiss back?”
“I say we try and if it doesn’t work we try again and if it still doesn’t work, then we try again and so on and so on.”
He was wound up and maybe a bit out of control. I surmised that Michael was partially disconnected and needed a stronger connection to maintain any kind of calm. Did the kiss back do that? Everything I assumed had become suspect.
“This’d be another experiment and one with all kinds of issues.”
I was pensive and trying to figure it all out. It seemed as there were so many more things to consider and to worry about. When experimenting, it’s important to chronicle every step or things get out of control.
“Michael, our control has improved but if we go off half cocked we may lose all of what we have gained. I think we need to protect the control we have managed to garner and look at this emergence of change and add it to our collective knowledge.”
“Oh crap, Helen, I can’t think like a scientist right now. I can hardly think and all I’m thinking about is releasing some of my pent up appreciation on you. I am going to explode if I can’t let loose of some of it right now.”
After seeing the pained look on Michael’s face I walked to the pushed together beds and brought Michael with me – actually he followed like a puppy. As I crawled onto the bed, I was holding Michael’s hand inviting him to join me. Another look into his eyes showed a different emotion; he adored me. If his eyes could they would be caressing me with sweet endearments. As it was, they made me blush – I mean come on, nobody deserves that kind of fervor. I guess he really liked the kiss back.
I didn’t want to actually throw caution to the wind; I wanted to make things right and I was pretty sure that if we just started experimenting without thinking it through, we could put things more out of balance.
“Michael, as I think about our balance and the changes that kiss back may have caused, I join you in thinking that showing me your appreciation is a good idea, a viable idea, and an idea that must be chronicled.”
I watched his face as my words were digested. His eyes focused on me in dedication and support - made me want to cry again.
Looking into his eyes stopped my breath; I wanted to lunge at him and be lost in our connection. But, I was thinking of the success of that experiment. Could his appreciation balance the connection? When would we know to stop? Would Michael know?