Have you ever heard the army phrase, “Standing at attention”? Soldiers are protectors. They are strong. They are resilient. They represent and stand for everything society values.
A pecker stands at attention. As a matter of fact, the same phrase is also used to mock and/or describe a hard-on. Yet again, the penis is sometimes described in the same context as a soldier. Is this also why some women lust for a man in uniform?
Worryingly, some penises have been missing in action from the bedroom for many years. It’s as if they have become victims in some POW (Penises of War) camp! We’re sure many wives and girlfriends have sent out search parties.
The penis is the symbol most associated with power and dominance. However warranted or unwarranted, people (both men and women) keep giving it power in society. Say what you will about the pecker. Make all the jokes you want about it. At day’s end, the pecker is still the reference power holder and many people, both men and women still have penis envy!
NOTES TO CHAPTER 2:
Ø The pecker is a mythological icon. If it’s enormously large (size matters), then not only is it an icon, it becomes a hero!
Ø Men are referred to as studs. Male species who can garner large sums of money through their breeding abilities (sperm) are called studs.
Ø Cocking one’s pistol implies the shooter is about to fire their gun. Why must a gun be “cocked”? When a male is about to make love, does he “pistol” his cock? In either case, a gun or penis are both capable of hitting their mark or firing blanks!
Ø Are you the master of your domain? Is this why you engage in “master-bating”? Is masturbating solely a “male thing”?
Ø The pecker has become over-sensationalized. In some ways, it has become a living legend, a cartoon character of heightened proportion. Did you know most cartoons always have a villain? Perhaps due to the suppression of women’s rights and feelings over the years, the pecker has become a villain. When the villain is slain, the audience cheers.
THE BY-PRODUCTS OF PENIS ENVY!
Give a woman a job and she grows balls.
~ Jack Gelber
Now we come to the serious stuff! We mean the chaos, mayhem and confusion that penis envy causes those who suffer from it.
Keep in mind the four species of male:
o Those that have penis envy and don’t know.
o Those that have penis envy and refuse to believe it.
o Those that have penis envy, acknowledge that they have it, and enjoy and use it to their advantage.
o Those that don’t have penis envy (very rare species).
We will briefly summarize the types of penis envy that will be discussed in further detail throughout the ensuing chapters. You can either take this information as insightful and educational, or ignore it all together.
The most prevalent types of penis envy are:
o Grown Men Who Still Live With Their Parents
o Broken Back Hill
o Dude Looks Like A Lady
o Master-Bates Syndrome
o Fan Obsession Syndrome
o Little Big Man Syndrome
o Clingers
o Metrosexuals
o Bitch Tit Guys
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1) Grown Men Who Still Live With Their Parents
This type of penis envy was inspired from the character, George Costanza, in the hit television series, Seinfeld. This type of penis envy is specific to men in their late thirties and older still living at home with mom and dad with no intention of moving out.
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2) Broken Back Hill
This type of penis envy is inspired by the movie Brokeback Mountain. This is a type of penis envy where men envy another man’s penis. These men may be gay but they are involved with or married to women and claim to be heterosexual. Every so often, they feel the need to climb another man’s hill (or mountain!).
These penis enviers will adamantly deny they are gay or homosexual. They may even go so far to deny they are bi-sexual. Their sexual encounters would slip somewhere into a twilight zone where nothing makes sense. Freud referred to these men as possessing latent homosexuality.
They didn’t have homosexual encounters when they were younger but are often fascinated with them as adults. As men they want a taste of how the other half lives. We would also assert the same principles apply for she-male encounters.
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3) Dude Looks Like A Lady!
Dude refers to the “coolness” in referring to a guy. In some cultures dude means dung! We are not referring to dung. In fact, we are not even referring to men. Rather, we are referring to women who act, dress and/or look like men. They possess some intense or untoward fascination for looking like a man.
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4) Master-Bates Syndrome
Master-Bates Syndrome is based on the intense, lasting relationship between mothers and their sons. We are not implying they are incestuous or sexual in nature, but for all we know they could be.
What is implied is that the son becomes a substitute for a husband, a kind of symbolic man-about-the-house figure, and the mother becomes the cherry of her son’s eye.
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5) Fan Obsession Syndrome
This type of penis envy is for men who worship, adore and idolize professional athletes, actors or celebrities. It’s one thing to be a sport’s junky and obsess over your favorite team, but this syndrome takes obsession to new levels.
Grown men dress, talk, walk and act like their heroes. They defend their heroes. They are even willing to jeopardize or lose their relationships and jobs for their heroes. Rarely do their heroes even know they exist.
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6) Little Big Man Syndrome
This syndrome is for those men who feel small in stature and feel the need to look and be bigger. We’ve broken down these folks into one of two categories.
The first category we will call the Knockwurst Boys. These are men who are already large (fat or muscular) who want to appear even bigger. In order to achieve this, they wear clothes, usually T-shirts or banana hammocks (see Speedos), which are one or two sizes too small. Everything hangs out. The appearance is like a burst sausage that has sat on the barbeque way too long.
The second group describes the classical “little big man”, those Napoleons of the world who are small or petite in stature and dress “bigger”. Typically, this man likes clothes that are extra large to XXX large. If the XXX logo is on the outside of the shirt then that’s even better!
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7) Clingers
Clingers, also known as cling-ons and parasites, are those men who wait for leftovers so to speak. They are like hyenas. They wait for their