from him since yesterday.
“Do you need to stop anywhere?”
“Huh?” I was so caught up in my thoughts that I wasn’t paying attention to what he said.
“You a’ight?”
“Yeah, I’m good. Just a little tired.”
“Oh, OK. Do you need to stop anywhere?”
“Yeah, we need something to eat. What you feel for?”
“Anything is cool with me. Shit, I’ve been gone so long, everything tastes better than prison food.”
“Okay, we can do Applebee’s. There’s one on Memorial Drive, near the highway.”
“A’ight, bet.”
On the way to Applebee’s, his phone started ringing. He ignored it like he didn’t hear it. Matter of fact, he cut the music up louder, but I wasn’t going to let him do this. I cut the music down some as the phone continued ringing. I guess whoever it was wanted to talk to him badly. I tapped him on the shoulder.
“What’s up?”
“Your phone is ringing. Why you ain’t picking it up?”
“Man, I can hear it. I’ll call back whoever it is later.”
That’s when it hit me. He just got the phone today. I don’t even have the number. So whoever was calling him just got the number. I looked over at him suspiciously.
“Who you gave your number to already?”
“Damn, Shontelle, what are you? The fucking police?”
“Nah, I’m your fucking woman, and I asked you a fucking question.”
“It’s no-fucking-body, okay? Shit, it might be my mama or my sister. You ain’t the only trying to see me or talk to me. Can you stop with all the damn questions? Do I ask you who calls your phone?”
“You know what? Fuck you, Jakeel.”
I was not in the mood to fight with this nigga, but I hoped he didn’t think I wouldn’t make a note of his attitude. He pulled up at Applebee’s, and we got out and walked in.
It took no time for us to order our food. I was still in my feelings, so I just kept quiet and ate my food. The atmosphere was tense, but I didn’t give a fuck. His ass was going to watch how the fuck he talked to me.
After dinner, we headed home. I was exhausted from working, so I got in the tub as soon as we got in the house. Then I made me a glass of hot chocolate and got in bed. I knew he could tell I was avoiding him ’cause he stayed in the living room, pretending like he was watching television. Either way, I didn’t give a fuck.
Chapter Three
Mika
Three Days Later . . .
Monday Morning
I glanced at the clock on my nightstand. It was 3:42 a.m., and here I was, wide awake like I didn’t have work in the morning. This wasn’t nothing new, though. Lately, my sleeping pattern was off. I was concerned to the point where I spoke to my doctor about it. He went ahead and prescribed Ambien. The first time I took it, I was out of it at work. The entire day I was sluggish and could barely function. That was the first and the last time I took those pills. Soon as I got home, I threw them in the trash. This wasn’t good at all. Being a probation officer was a tiring job, and most days, I was in the field for close to twelve hours. Don’t get me wrong. I love what I do. But not being able to sleep at night was putting a strain on me, physically and mentally.
I looked over to the side of the bed and noticed this husband of mine still hadn’t made it home. Shit had gotten really bad in the last year. First, it would be little lies that he was “working,” and then he was “hanging out with the boys.” I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt... until one night when he came home, and I saw lipsticks stains all over his crispy white shirt. When I pointed out the shit to him, he tried to say it wasn’t lipstick. I looked at him and shook my head. This nigga must’ve thought I was a fool. That night, I grabbed my pillow and headed to the guest room. I buried my head in my pillow and started crying. I loved this man. We were a family. Why would he step out on his family?
Just thinking about that night made me upset all over again. I grabbed my phone and dialed his number. It went straight to voicemail. I shook my head and threw the phone down on the bed. I just lay there in the dark, looking up at the ceiling.
The alarm kept going off, and, as usual, that’s the time I started feeling tired. I silenced it and decided to give myself an extra twenty minutes. I must’ve dozed off, ’cause a banging on my door awakened me.
“Ma, are you up?” Ky called out to me.
“Yes, baby, I’m up.” I quickly sat up.
She walked into the room, looked at me, and shook her head.
“What is it?” I asked, the look on her face frustrating me.
“Hmmm, so Daddy didn’t come home again?”
“Baby, listen, your daddy is a grown man and free to do what he pleases. Now, you need to get ready. Don’t you have an early class this morning?”
“Yes, I do, and I’m ready. Ma, I love my daddy, but I have no idea why you put up with him.”
“Girl, get the hell out of my room. When you get you a husband, then you can talk to me about marriage stuff.”
“Hmmm, no disrespect, but if this is how married life’s supposed to be, I’ll be single forever.”
I looked at that girl and walked off. I rushed to my closet and pulled out a pin-striped pants suit. This was one of my favorite outfits, and I’d probably worn it more than I should have. Ky must’ve sensed that I don’t want to talk about her daddy ’cause she walked out of my room without saying another word.
I love my child, but she needed to stay out of grown people’s business. I married this man for better or worse, and just because we were going through a little rough patch didn’t mean we didn’t love each other. I tried to convince myself there was no other woman that could replace me. My husband and I had put too many years of hard work into our marriage. I was sure neither one of us wanted to let it go.
* * *
I heard a knock at the door and lifted my head to see who was there. Joy peeped her head in the doorway.
“Hey, you, I didn’t see you come in.” She came in and closed the door behind her. She placed a cup of hot chocolate in front of me and took a seat across from me.
“Girl, I wish I didn’t have to be here today. But until I hit the lotto, I have to be here. Today, I got three new intakes. I just hope this day goes by fast.”
“What’s going on, girl? You look like you’ve been run over by a tractor-trailer. Are you still having problems sleeping?” she quizzed.
I took a sip of the hot chocolate and looked over at my friend. “I can’t remember the last time I got a good night’s sleep, and to top it off, this so-called husband of mine didn’t come home last night.”
“Say what? What you mean he ain’t come home? Was he working?” she shot me a surprised look.
“No, he was not working. He barely works the night shift, and when I called his phone, it went straight to voicemail.”
“Tamika, I don’t mean to pry, but do you think Rasheem is screwing around?” She gave me a suspicious look.
“Hmmm . . . What else can a married man be out doing all night? I know what—fucking and sucking on one of these little trifling-ass young bitches. Girl, he’s been careful so far, but I’ll catch on to him soon enough.”
“Tamika, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I mean,