night she was unable to sleep, her body restless and her mind racing. During the day she tried to keep busy, finding anything to keep herself occupied. Cupboards were sorted, drawers emptied, floors scrubbed but still she couldn’t banish thoughts of Ben from her mind. She knew she had made the right decision, so why then did it feel so bad?
She told herself it was all about looking forward. Making a few plans, focusing on other things – such as becoming pet-friendly. She’d been doing some reading and researching. The good news was that allowing dogs would certainly open up a new market and potentially generate more income. Families took their dogs on holiday and not many other guest houses in the area allowed pets so that would give her an advantage.
But there were plenty of issues to consider – she’d need to think about insurance, possible damage to property, and she’d have to provide food, bowls, and towels. And the house would have to be kept meticulously clean in case of dog hairs. She’d revisited the idea of opening in winter and had even found herself speculating exactly what Greg Ritchie’s ‘investment opportunities’ were.
In the hall she called up to Jamie as she wrapped a scarf around her neck. Maybe she could do more decorating, she thought, put an advert in the local paper. But they were all just ideas, thoughts going nowhere. Eva felt as if reality had shifted in some way and now she wasn’t sure what she wanted any more. Time and time again she reminded herself she’d managed just fine before Ben and she could do it again.
‘I’m ready, Mum.’ Jamie’s voice broke into her thoughts and she turned to him with a bright smile.
‘Good. I’ll just get Hamish sorted in his basket. We won’t be too long.’
It was the first day of the school Christmas holiday and having persuaded Jamie a visit to Edinburgh’s natural history museum would be useful for his project on ancient Egypt next term, Eva had arranged to meet Sarah and her mother in the museum café. Eva had talked with Sarah on the phone and exchanged a few texts, glad they were slowly returning to how they used to be.
Eva locked the front door listening to Jamie mutter mutinously that he’d better not see anyone he knew at the museum. Eva turned and spotted Ben bundling a holdall into the boot of his car. She kept her head down, feeling pathetic for doing so. She would learn to block the feelings, to deal with seeing him – they were neighbours after all – she just wasn’t quite there yet. Oh God, now he was coming over to them.
‘How’re you doing, Jamie?’ Ben waved to Jamie who was settling himself in the front seat.
‘Yeah, good.’ Jamie smiled back.
‘These are for you,’ Ben said to Jamie handing him a boxed set of Star War films. ‘All the original ones. I know how hard you’ve been working on your maths and thought you could give yourself a treat and watch these over the holidays.’
‘Brilliant, thanks, Ben!’
He switched his gaze to Eva who was standing by the open car door, frozen to the spot. ‘Hi, Eva. How are you?’
He looked tired and unshaven and so gorgeous that Eva felt her body betray her and she inhaled sharply.
‘Great, yes … fine.’ She’d been aiming for casual and confident but somehow her voice came out weirdly high.
‘I wanted to check you still have a set of keys for my house?’
‘Oh, yes. Sorry, I should have given them back to you.’
‘No, it’s fine. I’m heading down south for a bit – I don’t want to leave the house in London empty over the holidays.’ He ran a hand along his jagged jawline, looking distracted. ‘Would you mind holding on to them – just in case something happens while I’m away?’
‘Oh, yes … of course.’
‘I know you’re more than capable of handling anything.’ A ghost of a smile appeared on his lips. ‘Take care of yourself, Eva.’
‘You too.’
She took a deep breath and climbed into the car. Just because he looked tired didn’t mean she should worry about him making that long journey. He would be fine, she told herself, glancing at the clock on the dashboard and pulling out of the driveway.
They had plenty of time so she decided to take the coastal road, driving through the pretty fishing villages of Crail and Anstruther while Christmas songs played on the radio. They had just driven over the forth road bridge when Jamie surprised her.
‘You know, Mum, I really like Ben.’
Her hands tightened on the wheel but she kept her voice casual. ‘He’s been a great help with your maths.’
‘And he’s taught me how to move all the pieces on a chess board.’
‘That’s good,’ Eva replied evenly.
‘I liked when he came to our house. When’s he going to come for dinner again?’
Eva swallowed. ‘Oh, I’m not sure. He’s probably busy at the university.’
‘But I can still go and ask him stuff?’
‘Of course, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind that.’ Eva frowned, wondering if Jamie had picked up on anything.
‘We’ve started algebra at school,’ he told her sounding miserable.
‘Well, don’t worry. I can always help you.’
He made a face, looking doubtful.
‘What? We’ll be able to work it out between us.’
‘Mum, you can’t google it. I need someone to, like, actually explain it properly. It’s good when Ben helps – I just sort of understand it more.’
In all her own turmoil she hadn’t stopped to think just how much Jamie and Ben had connected. She had been trying to protect Jamie and didn’t feel good about her son missing Ben. Jamie clearly loved having Ben in their lives and she couldn’t deny he’d been a great role model for her son. She felt her shoulders slump, dismayed that trying to do the right thing seemed so wrong at times.
When they arrived in Edinburgh, parking was a bit of a nightmare but eventually Eva found a space on the outskirts of the centre. They got to Princes Street twenty minutes later, Eva enjoying the views of the castle and the bustling Christmas shoppers while Jamie complained about the distance they had to walk. Entering the museum they passed through the grand central hall, Eva pointing to portraits of famous Scottish doctors while Jamie showed more interest in the stuffed animals and dinosaur skeleton. They found Sarah and Helen already seated at a table in the café.
‘Hi, Mum.’ Eva bent and kissed her powdery cheek and eyed Jamie to do the same. Eva slipped off her coat and scarf, giving Sarah a double take. Her clothes were still very Sarah-esque but she wore pretty pearl drop earrings and looked softer somehow. She stood to embrace Eva and turned to Jamie.
‘Would you like to come and help me get the drinks?’ she asked him sounding a tad awkward.
‘Er, yeah,’ Jamie responded.
The role of aunt wasn’t one Sarah slipped into naturally but Eva could see she was trying and appreciated the effort.
‘Mum, usual for you?’
‘Yes please, darling.’
‘Eva?’
‘I’ll have a cappuccino please,’ Eva answered, all intentions for a decaf-skinny abandoned. She smiled across at her mother who she felt scrutinize her.
‘How are you, darling?’ Helen asked.
‘I’m fine, Mum.’
‘You look a bit … peaky.’
Eva straightened herself and smoothed down her hair as if that would make a difference but for once couldn’t argue with her mother’s appraisal.
‘I’m