When given the option to run from the pain, she chose to walk through it.
Since 2014 I have been meeting with Heidi and our friend Sheryl Giesbrecht-Turner via Skype for monthly prayer times. These prayer calls began as a way to support each other in our writing and speaking ministries. They were an opportunity to not feel so alone in a profession where you spend a lot of time alone. Little did we know then how our friendship would be a lifeline to help each other overcome some of life’s greatest battles.
From our first tearful prayer time following Jack’s death to our call a few days ago, I’ve watched God heal Heidi’s heart. Anxious nights turned into peaceful sleep. Sorrow and confusion turned into purpose and power. Joy found a way to shine forth from the pain. What I now realize is that there’s an intricate relationship between pain and joy. There is a sense that they coexist and are independent of each other.
To my delight, Heidi welcomed the offer to enjoy a cup of coffee that day. Sitting across from her at the table, I was proud of my friend. This wasn’t just about a cup of coffee; it was about finding her way back to joy.
This joy is not dependent upon external circumstances, feelings, or emotions. No, this is a steadfast joy that exists even when there is sorrow, pain, and disappointment. This joy is not something you step into but something you allow to come forth from within. It lives in the secret place and is released during time in God’s presence.
Where are you in the process? Maybe you’re experiencing the fear and confusion of having your world turned upside down. Maybe you’re in a place of anxiety and restlessness about the future. Perhaps you’re sitting right on the edge of a new journey with God that will reveal to you the fullness of who he is in your life. Wherever you find yourself today, it is my prayer that you will trust the process the Holy Spirit uses to lead you to fresh joy.
Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith
Board-certified internal medicine physician and author of
Sacred Rest: Recover Your Life, Renew Your Energy, Restore Your Sanity
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
I knew it was time to write a book on joy while I was in Toronto and my grandson Ryan spurred me on with “Nana, you’ll love a cup of flat white coffee. Trust me.” Ryan knew I hadn’t been able to drink coffee since Jack died, but this exquisitely delicious flat white was the beginning of another step toward healing and joy. That coffee incident is just a snippet of the love and encouragement I’ve received from my family and friends while writing this book.
I am incredibly honoured to include stories from my daughter Michelle Conley Willms and other wonderful people in my life. Thank you to Shaunie Brown, Candace Giesbrecht, Cindy Keating, Carol Rath, Margaret Gibb, and Cheryl Klippenstein. You were so gracious and eager to support me throughout this labour of love. I smile from ear to ear when I see how your words infuse life and colour into the chapters to allow the reader to grasp a deeper perspective.
Then there are my relentless readers who drove through a fierce winter storm to sit at my table and work through many chapters to give fresh insights and words of wisdom. Thank you, Elisabeth (Elsie) Lewke, Kirstin Wakal, Jo-Ann Hemingway, and Michele Layton, for your outrageously loving support. You took the time to read and to give loving and honest feedback. Thank you.
I can’t imagine writing a book without prayer support. My faithful prayer partners Saundra Dalton-Smith and Sheryl Giesbrecht-Turner have been by my side and prayed for this book from conception to reality. My She Café Bible study group, newsletter supporters, sister Brigitte, and numerous other gracious friends often stopped me and said, “Hey, Heidi, I’m praying for you.” For an author who sits alone at her computer day after day, there are no sweeter words.
I am so grateful to Larry Willard of Castle Quay Publishing House for believing in me and giving me a contract. A big shout-out to my gracious editor Marina Hofman Willard, graphic designers, and everyone involved with this manuscript. It takes a village to create a book.
Mostly, my heart overflows with gratitude for the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, whose breath is on every page. He created the inspiration and creativity in my heart that became words flowing through my fingertips. Every book I write is an act of worship and praise to God. I thank God for the passion, health, and love that helped me write a book to help people discover fresh joy.
Introduction
THE GROUNDWORK
For most of my life the smell of freshly brewed coffee wafting through our home pulled me in like a magnet. My husband Jack was always the first one up in the morning to make sure we would start our day with a cup of joy. Soon he would shout out, “Honey, the coffee’s ready; we can start our morning devotions.” Our life revolved around our cups of coffee, with us happily sipping delicious dark liquid throughout the day. But I had no idea how that delightful pleasure would forever change my life. You see, Jack died while going to the kitchen for his cup of coffee.
Through my deepest pain I’ve discovered that joy and pain do coexist. How joy is not something we brew up first thing in the morning and sip on all day but already resides within us and needs to be called forth. Joy is the currency of heaven and available to all of us, at any time, and throughout any circumstances. We all need to know this because we all crave joy.
We have an insatiable desire for happiness. We want it, we need it, and we can have it. But let’s not go for just happiness, because it’s joy we need. Because joy is more than just feeling good. Joy is deeper, richer, long-lasting, and rooted in God and his love for us. Our connection with him opens the reservoir for us to enjoy his unshakable and endless joy.
It’s a beautiful thing when we crash, survive, grow stronger, and find joy. But I have to admit that this verse in James 1:2 has always aggravated me: “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds.” This isn’t a quote to encourage someone facing adversity.
I know what a trial feels like. Since 1994 I have encountered many tragedies, and they have not been joyful. But I concur with the end of that thought in verse 4: “so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”
Oh, wouldn’t we all love to be “not lacking anything”? No matter what life throws at us, we’re able to stand strong, like a tall, majestic palm tree with deep roots. Bending and bowing. Not breaking. Staying beautiful and joyful.
Nurturing joy, like building muscles or filling a bank account, doesn’t happen by wishing or hoping. It takes intention. When I get up in the morning, I decide what clothes and shoes I’m going to wear. I decide on my jewellery and makeup. I can also choose joy.
A crisis always reveals our ability to become angry and bitter or stay joyful. My first husband, Dick Conley, died two weeks before Christmas in 1994. He collapsed and died of a heart attack while playing the sport he loved and lived for: basketball. When the policeman stood on my doorstep and told me I would have to go to the morgue to identify Dick’s body, my world shattered into a million pieces. I couldn’t fathom ever feeling happiness again. Ever. At the age of 47 I thought my once happy life was done. Kaput.
Dick’s death spiralled my spiritual journey into an unfamiliar desert. Alone and desperate to feel anything other than grief, I needed God to help me find victory and recapture my joy. But God was already on it. He worked in the background, orchestrating my daily life according to his plan and timetable for my life on earth. The story continued to unfold as I met a widower named Jack and fell in love again. God reawakened my soul.
Jack and I were married on a glorious blue-sky summer day in June 1996. With our new blended family and a second chance at love and life, we were determined to celebrate and continually tap into God’s unending joy. Our love was deep, rich, and fulfilling as we both desired to love God first and then each other in a way that would enrich our lives and honour God.
My loving journey with Jack ended at noon on November 11, 2016. We had spent the morning watching the Remembrance Day celebrations and, as always, holding hands. We were excited and talked about the plans for our upcoming