popular girl in school and I always felt that I had to have a lot of friends because I didn’t have any siblings. Lauri and her sister Jenn, were the closest thing I had to sisters, and they lived an hour away from me. Although over time, I learned the hard way that Jenn and Lauri were the only two people I could really trust, I still needed that camaraderie of a large group of friends.
I told him that boys always liked me, but for the wrong reasons. I had boyfriends before David, but never slept with any of them. I think they would get annoyed waiting, and would eventually break up with me. But not David. He was a perfectly patient gentleman. Everyone was always telling me how much he was in love with me, and I think that was another reason I was so shocked at what he did.
We were lying side by side on our backs, looking up at the sky. The calming sound of the ocean made for the most romantic background music for our conversation.
“I love looking up at the night sky. There’s just something about it that’s so beautiful. Like the stars. Even though you can’t always see them, you know that they’re there somewhere. And the moon with all of its different shapes and sizes, it’s so gorgeous. I’m obsessed with the night sky,” I told him.
“Well then think of me like the stars. You may not always see me because we live so far away from each other, but I’ll always be around. Seriously, Karen, even if you just need to talk, I’m here for you,” Ramsey said, exuding sincerity.
“Thanks, I really appreciate that. God, I feel like I’ve been talking for hours. What time is it?” I asked.
“Almost 2:00,” he said, looking at his watch. “Are you tired? Do you want to go back to your room?”
“No, I’m fine, unless you want to go back,” I answered.
“I could stay here forever with you, Karen,” he said and his words melted my heart.
I never believed in love at first sight, and this totally wasn’t the case with me and Ramsey, but I’ve never felt such familiarity with a stranger before in my life. It was a new feeling for me and it was a feeling I didn’t want to let go of. “So, since we’ll be here forever, why don’t you tell me a little about yourself? What’s your life like back upstate?” I asked, but for some reason it felt more like prying.
“Well, there’s not too much to tell. I go to school, I play baseball and I go home. I’m going to school in Pennsylvania and I’ll be playing ball there. That’s pretty much it,” he told me.
“That’s pretty much it? I think you know my mother’s maiden name by now, and that’s all I get?” I asked. “Not much of a talker, are you?”
“Not really,” he answered in a softer tone than he had been using.
“Well, can I ask you a question?” I asked again.
“Of course. What would you like to know?”
“Well, you didn’t mention that you have a job, so where do you get your money from? I mean you have really nice things. Are you just a spoiled brat?” I asked, jokingly.
“No, I’m not a spoiled brat, Karen,” he said with a response lacking even a hint of humor, as I intended the question. “I have money from my father. He died two years ago and when I turned 18, the money my mother put in a trust for me from the life insurance money she got, was released to me. So, I bought myself the Jeep, and a few other things. No big deal, they’re just things.”
“Oh my God, I’m so sorry. I had no idea about your father,” I said, feeling sorry that I opened my big mouth more than anything. I knew that I was being too nosey and totally stepping over my boundaries, but I couldn’t help it. I was compelled to know more about Ramsey, so I asked, “If you don’t mind me asking, how did your father die?”
“I’ll need to light a cigarette for this one,” he said as he grabbed a smoke from his pack. “Let’s see, where should I start?” he said, blowing out smoke. “Well, just like you, I’m an only child and I never felt like I needed a brother or sister because my dad was always my best friend. Whenever he wasn’t working, he was hanging out with me. And he was my biggest fan. He never missed one of my baseball games, ever. He even traveled with the team, not to be protective, but because he was so proud of me and wanted to be there with me.
One weekend, we had a tournament up in New Paltz. Mom stayed behind because she just never traveled with us. Dad always got his own room and I stayed with my team. The morning we were leaving to head home, I went to my dad’s room really early to see if he wanted to have breakfast together before we all got on the road. When I got to the door, I heard a woman moaning. I didn’t knock, I just stood there. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, so I walked to the end of the hall and sat on the floor. An hour later, the door opened and the woman left. She walked right passed me on her way out.
I confronted him and told him he couldn’t deny it because I heard it and saw her with my own eyes. He admitted to me that he had been having an affair with that woman for over a year. He told me that he only saw her when we traveled. He pleaded with me not to tell my mom and asked if I would ride home with him instead of the team. I told him that he disgusted me and I couldn’t even look at him, let alone spend an hour in a car with him. He told me he was gonna hit the road and that we’d talk more at home. I knew he wanted to get home before me so that I didn’t have the chance to spill the beans to my mother before he got there. I was so mad and disappointed in him.”
His expression began to change as he continued his story. “I was in a fog that whole morning. We had only been on the highway for about 15 minutes until we were in crazy traffic. Ambulances, cops and fire engines were whizzing by us. When we finally got up to the accident, we were all on one side of the bus looking out the window, because everyone wants to see an accident, right? When my eyes saw the whole picture, I thought I was gonna die when I saw my father’s car wrapped around a tree.
My coach told the bus to pull over and when he stopped, I ran toward my father’s car. The cops blocked me from getting too close and I literally almost passed out when I saw them putting his covered body in the ambulance. He was dead at the scene. There was nothing they could do for him.
After that, my mom got some life insurance money and put some away in a trust for me. It became available to me on my birthday this year.”
I was shocked when he began to cry. Through his tears he said, “I’d rather have him, Karen. I want my friend back, I need my dad. I feel so lost sometimes without him.”
Tears streamed down my face as Ramsey calmed himself down a little.
“My mom was devastated when my dad died. He was her whole life. I never told her about the affair because she probably would have killed herself if she found that out. But get this, his mistress showed up at his funeral.”
My eyes widened at his words. “Holy shit. That was pretty ballsy of her,” I said.
“I know, right. I couldn’t concentrate in church and kept looking all around. When I spotted her, she was hysterically crying and for a second, I felt bad for her. But I kept looking at her and then I just became enraged. I tried to stand up and when my mother noticed me getting out of my seat, she grabbed my hand and told me to sit down. What was I supposed to do, tell my mom that I needed to go curse out my dead fathers’ mistress? I couldn’t do it, so I just sat back down and she was gone by the time the service was over. I know that my dad played a part in his affair, and I hate him for doing that to my mom, but I partly blame the mistress, and I partly blame myself for his death. I hate both of us for it.
I was really fucked up for a while. I wouldn’t go to school, hell I didn’t even want to leave my house. My mom made me see a therapist, which didn’t help at all. I started doing some really stupid things, but I feel like I’m better now and I’m trying to get my life back on track. I just hate that my last conversation with him was me telling him how much he disgusted me and that I hated him. I didn’t hate him Karen, I was just mad at him. I’d give anything to get that day back,” he said, tears still welled up in his eyes.
I leaned