it’s ok. I shouldn’t have let it go that far,” he said with heavy breath. “But you, missy, started it,” he said, smiling at me, his erection straining against his pants. Oh the blue balls this guy must have had. I felt terrible but as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t sleep with him and I knew if we continued, that’s what would happen.
I sat up and said, “No, Ramsey, really I’m sorry. It’s just that I can see where this is going. We just met today and we’re sharing a bed tonight. That’s so not me, and I don’t want to think that what happened with David has changed me into something I’m not.” Oh God, what was I saying? Why was I making this about David? “What I mean is I’m not ready for this to go any further. I’m sorry,” I said, looking away from him.
He also sat up and reached around to grab my chin. He turned my face toward him and said, “Hey Kid, it’s absolutely fine. I’m just happy being here with you. That’s all I wanted tonight anyway. Really,” he said as he smiled his amazing smile, making me feel so much better. We both lay back down and I placed my head in his nook, which was basically his armpit, and placed my arm across his chest.
He played with my hair, which was something I loved, while we talked some more. We talked about the future this time. He told me that he couldn’t wait to go to school because he thought the change would really be a positive thing in his life. He said he knew how hard it was going to be because he had to play baseball and keep up grades to keep his scholarship. He went on to say that he would truly love to be a professional ball player, but knew that that isn’t really practical. He was going to major in finance and if baseball didn’t work out, Ramsey planned on following his father’s footsteps in the business world.
His aspirations surprised me. I was planning on majoring in finance too. My father was a big wig in the commodities market and I always took an interest in his work. My dad had told me that if I did well enough in school, he would use his connections to help me get a job. Although I didn’t like to take much from my parents, I’d take that. It was my dream to live in Manhattan on my own one day, without help from my parents. Getting a great job and working hard was the only way I was going to get it. I had big plans with a bright future for myself.
When I told Ramsey my plans for the future, he was beaming, but questioned me when he said, “Wait a second, if you come from money, why did you ask me about my car and watch, and all of my money? Hypocrite are we?”
I laughed and said, “My parents have given me a wonderful life. I’ve traveled all over the world and they would give me anything I ask them for. But I don’t want material things from them. I work. I mean, I don’t make a lot of money, but it grounds me.”
“I’m confused,” Ramsey said. “What does that mean? You’re 18 years old, how grounded can you be?”
“I don’t want to be a spoiled brat. I like knowing that I have to work for things I want. Like when I started driving a few months ago, my parents offered to buy me a brand new car. Instead, I took my savings and bought myself a used car.” He looked at me like I was crazy for passing up a new car, but things like that didn’t mean much to me. Material things didn’t matter because they’re just things.
“I think a big reason I am the way I am is because my mom was never independent. Without my dad, she would have nothing. I would never want that for myself, to depend on someone else to take care of me,” I explained, trying not to sound like too much of an asshole.
He nodded his head as he said, “That’s really great, Karen. What about marriage and stuff? Do you want to get married or are you planning on being a shrewd business woman for the rest of your life?” he asked as we lay there with our legs intertwined.
“Sure I want to get married, if I can ever trust someone again,” I said, laughing.
“You will, Kid, you will. You seem like such a strong person. That guy couldn’t have broken you all the way through. He just cracked you a little. You’ll get there again,” he said, so philosophically.
“I know, one day at a time, right?”
“Exactly,” he answered.
We talked until our tongues were tired and our eyes too heavy to stay open. I fell asleep with my head on his chest. I listened to his heart beat with my arms around him, and he was holding me as well. We woke up exactly how we fell asleep. I lay there awake, not yet ready to see if Ramsey was also awake.
Although we closed the curtains before we went to sleep, the morning sun shone through a crack where the curtains were parted and headed straight for my eyes. Instead of squinting, or moving, I just kept my eyes closed. I lay there, holding Ramsey, breathing in his scent, thinking about how I hadn’t felt that safe with someone in a really long time. I didn’t want this moment to end, this weekend to end. I knew that once I headed out that door it would all be over and I’d be on my way back to misery. I squeezed his body with my arms for the simple fact that I didn’t want to let go of him. Although it was only a night that we knew each other, he did something to me. The way he spoke to me, the things he said to me, the crazy connection that we had, these things made me happy. I hadn’t been happy in a long time and I feared that that happiness would soon be gone. A tear fell from my eye, followed by a sniffle.
Gently twirling my curls around his finger he said, “Please don’t tell me that you cry as soon as you wake up in the morning.”
“You’re up? I didn’t want to wake you, so I was just lying here,” I answered, making sure I didn’t look up because I could only imagine what my breath smelled like.
“I’ve been up for hours, Kid. I didn’t really sleep much last night,” he said, his voice sleepy.
“Oh, I’m sorry. You could have moved me if you were uncomfortable,” I answered.
“No, I wasn’t uncomfortable. I think I was too comfortable. I didn’t sleep because I didn’t want to. I wanted to hold you all night. I didn’t want to let you go, and I knew if I fell asleep, there was a chance that I would have woken up without you in my arms,” he explained, still twirling my hair.
“Well then I’m glad you did,” I said, squeezing him a little tighter. “What time is it?”
“9:45, why? Are you in a rush to go somewhere?” he asked.
“Absolutely not, but checkout is at 11:00 and I know Danny wanted to leave right after check out. And I still have to get back to Queens,” I said with a moan. To my dismay, I let him out of my grip. I rubbed my eyes as I yawned and immediately made my way to the table on which I threw my bag. I fetched a piece of gum and popped it in my mouth before walking back over to the bed. I leaned down and kissed him, “Good morning,” I said with a smile. “I have to pee so bad.”
“So go,” he said, laughing. “So, how are you getting back to Queens later?” he asked loud enough so I could hear him through the closed bathroom door.
“Lauri’s dad works in the city and he’ll drive me back home tonight before he goes to work,” I shouted back.
After I emerged from the bathroom, I went over and sat up next to him on the bed. “Why don’t you let me take you home tonight?” he suggested.
I was baffled by his suggestion. “Oh God, you don’t have to do that. You know how long that would take you? And I hate the thought of you driving all the way back upstate by yourself, especially on no sleep,” I explained, as I ran my fingers through his hair, looking into his sleepy eyes. I also didn’t want to tell him that I don’t think my parents would be too happy with that arrangement either.
“So you don’t want me to drive you home?” he questioned.
“I would love for you to drive me home, but it’s too much to ask of you, Ramsey,” I answered.
“You’re not asking me, Kid. I’m offering. Please let me take you home, Karen. I don’t know when I’ll get to see you again and I’m honestly just not ready to let go of this feeling,” he said with determination in his voice.
I