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The Handbook of Solitude


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(e.g., Cassidy et al., 2018; Mikulincer et al., 2014). Thus, it seems that avoidant people have a need for security lurking beneath their characteristic avoidant defenses (Shaver & Mikulincer, 2002).

      However, even if both anxious and avoidant people tend to feel lonely, only avoidant people seem to choose to withdraw socially and remain isolated. For example, Shaver and Hazan (1987) reported that whereas attachment‐anxious people described themselves as more hopeful and active in their search for relationship partners, avoidant people were more likely to believe they would always be lonely. In fact, avoidant people are more likely to say that during the preceding few years they have not felt in tune with other people, have not been part of a group of friends, and have not felt close to anyone (Shaver & Hazan, 1987). Similarly, studies have found that avoidance is associated with social withdrawal (e.g., Chen et al., 2012; Shallcross et al., 2014) and perception of fewer opportunities for romantic connection especially when there is a potential for connection (Spielmann et al., 2013). In addition, there is evidence that avoidance increases the odds of being single or not being involved in serious dating (e.g., Adamczyk & Bookwala, 2013; Ringstad & Pepping, 2016). However, at odds with these findings, Schachner et al. (2008) found no sign of heighted avoidant attachment in a community sample of long‐term single adults (not being in a committed relationship for the past three or more years and not likely to become committed in the near future) compared to coupled participants. Moreover, Pepping et al. (2018) offered a theoretical model by which long‐term singlehood can result from avoidant deactivation or anxious hyperactivation of the attachment system or from an authentic personal decision sustained by one’s sense of security. That is, being single does not imply being insecure (see also Adamczyk, Chapter 12).

      Avoidant people’s social withdrawal is also manifested in recent studies that have assessed feelings of nostalgia (the emotional mechanism that activates a need for social connectedness and memories of emotional closeness; Wildschut et al., 2006). According to Wildschut et al. (2006), nostalgia is activated by loneliness, and the experience of nostalgia tends to reduce loneliness and increase perceptions of emotional connection to others. In three studies, Wildschut et al. (2010) found that feelings of nostalgia are inhibited by attachment‐related avoidance, which is compatible with the idea that avoidant people prefer social withdrawal over emotional connectedness. In addition, an experimental induction of relational isolation increased reports of nostalgia among low‐avoidant participants, but not among high‐avoidant participants.

      In two additional studies, Wildschut et al. (2010) found that more avoidant people benefited less from nostalgia: An experimental induction of nostalgia in the laboratory (as compared with a control condition) increased perceptions of social connectedness and interpersonal competence, but only among low‐avoidant participants. Moreover, several studies have found that an experimental induction of nostalgia increased approach‐oriented social intentions/goals to connect with others or to pursue a romantic relationship when avoidant attachment was low but not when it was high (e.g., Abeyta et al., 2019; Juhl et al., 2012). Abeyta et al. (2015) content analyzed nostalgic narratives and found that the narratives of more avoidant people included less attachment‐related content.

      Concluding Remarks

      The experience of being alone, like the experience of being together, is an enticing topic for personality‐social psychologists interested in attachment. In this chapter, we have proposed and briefly explored an attachment perspective on solitude that follows Rubenstein and Shaver's (1982) early distinction between loneliness and positive solitude, with the former being more common in people with an insecure attachment orientation, and the latter being a healthy state sustained by a sense of security. However, most of the research on attachment and solitude has focused largely on insecure people’s heightened feelings of loneliness and have overlooked the possibility that secure individuals might be most comfortable with solitude, and might be able to pursue it and benefit from it in healthy, creative ways. That possibility has recently been studied by Gal (2019), as summarized here, but we need more systematic research on this topic and on the ways in which a sense of security provides a basis for developing a capacity to be alone and savor moments of solitude while maintaining a healthy balance between aloneness and togetherness.

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