Sam Chevalier

The boy with the sad eyes


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losing when even our hope is broken and we want to show that we’re strong and that we have so much self-love that we don’t depend on anyone. In the distance you can see how empty we’re without it, how broken, how dead, and it is because it has become a necessity of the soul, because we’re created from it.

      We can burn the rose petals, but we’ll never eradicate spring. We can go out to the seashore to fight against the current but it will always win. We are not strong and we are not weak, what we are is a bunker with enough space to endure endless wars, we are a piece of paper on which the most eternal poetry is written, we are that leaf that is born, grows, shines, falls and then turns to dust again.

      We are a castaway looking for lady “happiness”, but love is the sea and it can sink us in an instant. We don’t realize that we must stay on the ground and look for it in ourselves before someone else wants to give it to us.

      We’re like that story that made our skin crawl for the first time before going to sleep, unique and shocking, but we’re the ones shocked when we find someone with our same story. Love is the ark and we’re only the animals that let themselves be guided by anyone.

      We can try to stop loving, but never forget because we are that moment that happened before it became an event, we are past, present and future, we long for a lot and we get excited before it happens.

      Benedetti was right in saying that our worst mistake is trying to get what doesn’t come from our hearts out of our heads.

      And we apologize for mistakes that we have not yet made, for not wanting to lose those who do not deserve us. And that’s how life goes on, wanting to stop desiring what has always been desired, trying to eliminate the indelible, looking for an answer to that emptiness and asking ourselves at night, am I happy?

      Maybe we’ll find the answer when we wake up one Sunday morning and smile for no reason and understand that life was made not to be understood, but to be lived, and the reason we live and breathe... is love.

      “That arrow can’t be dodged for long”.

      There comes that moment in which we don’t look for faces or colors, or insecurities or games, we look for something solid and accurate, where feelings don’t depend on the typical phrase “we must give ourselves time”.

      We reach that stage in which we seek conviction, attitude and intentions, when we finally grow up and understand that life is not about appearances. We want silence instead of noise, magic and not material things, the lasting instead of an instant, and we begin to live with our feet on the ground and the mind exactly where it should be.

      A DIFFERENT KIND OF LOVE

      I want something different, a love that isn´t just kisses and caresses, I want something more than morning talks and routines that time makes empty.

      I want a love that burns as much as fire, but never goes out, I want an intelligent love in which we are always the best version of ourselves, in which we support each other despite the ups and downs and we see ourselves in the future.

      I want a safe love that is more than education, details and crazy things; I want an uncontrolled love, but old-fashioned, a love of those that our grandparents had, remembering our best moments while we have coffee in bed.

      I long for an eternal love, for a love that won’t change over time. I want to love without fear and to mend what was broken. I want honesty as a life insurance, smiles as a budget and I want our desire for togetherness to be as the foreign debt, because I know it will never be paid. I want to owe gratitude to someone who deserves me; a relationship that is worth the effort and not worth the pain, a relationship that is worth the smiles and the sleeplessness.

      I want a chaotic love of those that are both illness and antidote... I want a different love.

      “About love and its journeys”.

      You never know when it will arrive, you won’t know how but you will feel it, and it will be magical, you will understand it completely when you finally have it and feel that peace that, without searching, you found, and that happiness that you won´t change for anything in this world.

      And thus the love of your life arrives, without you looking for it, while walking a random street or place. It just comes and catches you, and you can’t escape from it.

      THE PROBLEM

      It was an ordinary afternoon. The sun was as radiant as always and at its best, but that afternoon something was shining even brighter than it. That was the first time I saw you, and I can swear I’ve never seen such a beautiful smile, and even that word is too small.

      There was a war between destiny and infinity. Destiny wanted to be written and infinity wanted to never end, so in the end they agreed to unite into a hug and become love.

      There was a fire that burned like no other and by the end of the afternoon we went for a coffee and a talk of those that no longer exist, of those that are fleeting and magical. We spoke of life and death, of creating and believing, of failures and losses. We talked about what we wanted to be, what we needed to do in order to get there and the pain that escorted us as a shadow in life.

      I offered you the moon, the sky and the stars, and you offered me the peace that my soul longed for. And without making plans, without thinking about tomorrow, we began to live the most beautiful love story ever written, and that right there was the problem.

      It started when the words came out of your mouth and wielded a dagger that completely shattered sadness.

      The problem was that I loved you even before you arrived; the problem arrived when the looks became poetry and time became the perfect tool to show you that you were the solution to all my sorrows. The problem was that I wanted to be eternal and to love you for a thousand years; the problem arose when I realized that nothing is forever, that your kisses would go to the grave with me. The problem was that I loved you enough to write letters to you and leave them in the cupboard, so that when you woke up you would smile and think I was crazy, love.

      The problem is the lack of sanity. There are more days left, more lives to love you, to live with you, to kiss you as if our lives were infinite.

      We are moments. We will be infinite in the hearts of those who live loving until their last breath.

      The soul hides secrets, but it doesn’t hide feelings. What is beautiful is spontaneous, it comes without warning, and it surprises you and changes your life. I love those people who say little and do a lot, those who change your days and make them better; those people that I would always want in my life.

      “People like you”.

      A HUMMINGBIRD’S SOUL

      It was one of those spring afternoons when you feel thoughtful and in no mood for anything, tired of seeing your friend’s heart being broken all the time, or the girl you like being focused on someone else who doesn’t know what they want.

      As I walked through my neighborhood, I caught a glimpse of this girl I hadn’t seen for so long. She was so damn pretty! I approached to greet her without imagining that she would hug me... I didn’t expect it. Her warmth was comforting and I never thought that I would feel so much peace when hugging someone that I didn’t think I would see again.

      After that hug we got lost in a talk about what had happened to our lives, about her goals and dreams, she told me that her heart had been broken so many times she couldn’t find all the pieces. I offered her a hug and told her that I would help her little by little. I didn’t want to seem too forward but I told her that I loved her cute smile, and I didn’t think it would be so soon that this person would become so important to me. She started doing things that made me feel special, like those messages she left on my window. The first one read:

      “Same