for better laughs. All of this is basically more or less harmless, but in fact it is not real and thus causes alienation, i.e. less true self-confidence.
As you may have noticed while reading this e-book, it can be quite difficult to build a true self-confidence. Now imagine how difficult it is to develop an awareness of one's "second personality". The "second personality" is the double role that we often get involved with in everyday life. It is the facade that we show other people so that they either don't recognize our true emotional state or think of us as someone we would like to be but are not in reality. Whatever the purpose of this double role is: it cannot be good in the long run. Not only because it is difficult to remember what people have told whom about themselves, but also because we know deep inside that we are not doing ourselves any favours.
A self-confident person stands by himself, his feelings, his peculiarities and his current life situation. Just because he can. If you are self-confident, you are automatically completely honest with yourself and others. If there is something in your life that you are not completely satisfied with, you can change it. After all, you know your possibilities and trust each other sufficiently to initiate a change.
What makes you really interesting and unique is not what you might one day be or what you pretend to be to others. The really interesting thing is you, the way you are. In my coaching sessions, clients keep telling me that they find it so hard to make true friends even though they try so hard to be interesting. But this is precisely the mistake: it is not a matter of attracting others, but of finding people who like you the way you are.
The truth is that not all people will or can like you. In fact, there are relatively few people who find you great. This is to be found. But if they can't really get to know you because you're maintaining a façade, you're robbing yourself of precious opportunities to build lasting relationships with others. Through a façade you take the opportunity to get to know and appreciate yourself. In this way, you will distance yourself from yourself and become more and more unhappy. You are depriving others of the chance to discover the personality that is within you and may miss out on the friendship or even partnership of your life.
Always remember that it doesn't matter what others think about you. The only opinion about you that really matters is your own. If you radiate this to the outside, sooner or later people will become aware of you who think similarly to you. Give these people a chance to get to know the real you. Start feeling comfortable in your situation. You are who you are, and nothing changes. If there are circumstances in your life that you would like to see changed, make a commitment to change them. However, do not claim that it is already different if this is not the case. Stand by yourself. It's not your job to please anyone. Your goal is to be self-confident, to be honest with yourself and to know yourself. Don't lose sight of that!
8. Measure for more self-confidence: Declare war on your fears
Fears are a very sensitive issue and therefore I mention right at the beginning of this section that no counsellor can replace therapy. Especially not a short guide. This chapter is intended to gain more courage and self- confidence, but is not intended to combat serious phobias or anxiety disorders. However, the information you will find below may help you to gain a new understanding of fear and to get a firm grip on many things you are afraid of.
Hardly anything inhibits us as much as our fears. Who is little self-confident, has also no strong confidence in itself. Those who do not trust themselves face only a few challenges. Those who face only a few challenges and rarely experience success become anxious. For example, we are afraid of confrontations with other people or everyday challenges, such as exams or high demands at work. Sometimes it is also light phobias that make life difficult for us, such as the fear of insects, elevators or large crowds of people. Individually, these fears may seem harmless, but as they add up, the pressure they exert increases. They limit everyday life and rob us of our self- confidence. It's time to do something about it!
Any fear can be overcome. Maybe it's hard for you to believe that right now, but it is. If a fear can develop in you, it can also disappear again. Depending on their severity, this may of course take longer and require more action, but it is possible. You don't have to settle for any of your fears. It is helpful to take a look at what fear actually is. Basically, fear is a thought of something that has not (yet) happened and may never happen. For example, you are not afraid of an elevator itself, but of being trapped in it. However, it's not said that the elevator will get stuck after you get in. In the same way we are afraid of wild animals, because we don't want to get hurt. As a rule, however, these animals are completely harmless and would never harm us. The same principle applies even before difficult tests. We are afraid of not being up to the task. In reality, however, we do not yet know what we will be facing in concrete terms. Only when the time has come can we assess the situation and, in most cases, we find that all fears and worries were unfounded.
From this point of view, fears are therefore false assumptions that have become fixed in the subconscious due to negative experiences of the past. To combat them, there is only one proven means: to face them and prove to yourself that the feared bad scenario will not happen. Our subconscious needs solid evidence to change its beliefs. In plain language, this means that if you ride in an elevator and don't get stuck in it, you're scratching the wrong assumption you've had so far. If you then repeat this again, you will once again prove to your subconscious mind the opposite of its previous conviction. You automatically start rethinking and questioning your fear.
This principle works with all fears, even the most serious ones. In the case of deep-seated anxiety disorders and phobias, however, they should ideally be combated with professional support. After all, they can cause severe symptoms in us. However, you can tackle the less severe fears yourself.
Always remember: The fact that something in the past was not particularly positive does not mean that it always has to be that way. Once you have fainted in the midst of a crowd, you will not have to fear crowds in the future. It will most likely not happen to you again. This is exactly what we need to prove to ourselves. Face your fears and show yourself that they are unfounded. The resulting successes will give you a feeling of elation. They will regain more confidence in themselves. Their courage will be rewarded.
To face one's fears is an excellent method to strengthen self-confidence and self-love. If you are still hesitant and don't feel confident about it, seek the support of a person you can trust completely. Over time, you will become safer and no longer need help.
Be courageous and face the challenges you would otherwise avoid. After all, it's all about your self-confidence and your quality of life. It is your life and therefore you yourself decide how you feel. It's entirely up to you.
9. Measure for more self-confidence: Do what you have been missing for a long time
What unpleasant things are you putting off? Are they simple matters, such as household chores, that you have long wanted to take care of, but for which you cannot overcome? Is it perhaps something more serious, such as unpaid bills and unopened letters? Or are you perhaps avoiding other people with whom you should have a proper pronunciation? Whatever it is, postponements damage our self-confidence. They cause blockages and fears in us. The longer we shy away from taking responsibility for an unpleasant thing or situation, the heavier the burden becomes on our shoulders and in the back of our heads.
Being confident also means not putting things off. A self-confident person has sufficient confidence in himself to face every situation and challenge. You build all this up by starting to catch up piece by piece on what has been pushed open. Of course it takes more or less courage and overcoming in the beginning, but it is also rewarded in the end. Every little sense of achievement strengthens your confidence in yourself. Furthermore, the successes expand your awareness of your abilities. They get used to acting positively, success-oriented and self-confidently. Of course this will not escape your subconscious mind and so in time it will become normal for you to grab things right by the hair before they become unpleasant.
Look at it this way: You can't avoid things of conscience forever anyway. Sooner or later, you will have to complete certain tasks. You must face up to your fears and face the