Many of us could be described as the walking wounded. Our pasts hold some mighty harsh realities that can appear to be deal breakers for a happy future. Some of us have killed others accidentally or by design; we have broken the hearts of our mothers; some of us abandoned our children or abused them. We have been the curse and cause of much pain in our families, and we have used and abused those closest to us. Yet, in the Program, we hear that “we will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.” How can this be? We are also told that to hide our past and lock it away is “self-centered and in direct conflict with our new way of living.” When we work with others, we share our story with all the harsh realities that once made us the walking wounded. We are the walking warriors, using our past to save others. Let’s not regret a past that can save lives!
I do not regret my past, and thus,
I’m free to claim my future.
Some of us look on Step Four with dread, believing it to be that fateful time when we reveal all the ugliness in our past to someone else.
∼Chemically Dependent Anonymous P 49
January 18
Life says yes to me now. ∼Iyanla Vanzant
Eventually life says “yes” to all who dedicate themselves to our way of life in Chemically Dependent Anonymous. When we began this program as newcomers, the old-timers had many wise anecdotes and bits of advice for us. One of the things they told us was to imagine how good our life could ever get. “Get clean and sober,” they told us, “and your life will get even better than what you just imagined.” That might have been good enough for us, but they continued, “Stay clean and sober and it will get a hundred times better than that! But, on the other hand,” the old-timer’s warned, “Imagine the very worst your life could be. Start drinking and drugging again and it will get worse than that and, before long, it will get even worse than that!” Whether life says “yes” to us now or “no” to us now is entirely based on our commitment to recovery.
My actions today define the increase
above anything I can imagine.
People who have more time in C.D.A. than I do say, "Keep coming back; it keeps getting better," but I can't imagine that my life will be any better than it is now.
~Chemically Dependent Anonymous P 212
January 19
Happiness is getting what we want, but success is wanting what we get. ~Ron R.
The challenge in our new way of life can be to remember that we were saved from our addictions by God and other people, not by intellect, muscle, or self-will. We are called to “give back” to our fellowship—not “race” to acquire creature comforts, status, and prestige. We must keep in mind that a symptom of our disease is one of imbalance, and that our newfound acquisitions can affect our priority system. Without the proper priorities we cannot be the successful people we have come to expect in recovery. Acquiring creature comforts and status must never take priority over our responsibilities to give back to the Fellowship. The good news is that we have a sponsor and home group that expect some accountability from us. They help keep our priorities in balance. This way, when we do get the things we want, we will not only be happy, we will be successful as well!
My recovery is God’s gift to me and
what I do with it is my gift to God.
For instance, when a relationship or a job takes top priority, we can lose focus on what we've learned about, say, honesty or humility. When that happens, we tend to slide into old behaviors.
~Chemically Dependent Anonymous P 80
January 20
Masquerading as a normal person day after day is exhausting. ~Anonymous
When practicing our addictions, we went day after day acting as if we were fine and the world around us was crazy. Even though many of us worked each day, had families, and may have appeared as if we were pillars of our community, we still abused our drug of choice with abandon. We never realized we were only fooling ourselves by denying our shame and dependence and acting "as if" all was well. Once we discovered recovery, we realized that our take on “normal" behavior was utterly abnormal. The masquerade we called “living” was actually a disease. The Second Step sets us free with its words, "Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." Working this Step each morning keeps us free from the bondage of addiction masquerading as our life.
Today I believe that a Power greater
than me is my link to living in a
sane and rational world.
A Power greater than we are, is keeping us from doing something that our past shows is insane to do, and that is to take a drink or drug.
∼Chemically Dependent Anonymous P 37
January 21
Where does the spirit live?
Inside or outside
Things remembered, made things,
Things unmade.
∼Seamus Heaney
We pray in the morning to turn our will over to the God of our understanding. But if we take our will back, where can the Spirit of God live? We need to align our will to that of our Higher Power’s, that is, the Spirit of God manifested within us. When we take back control of our will, the Spirit has no place to express Itself. Our sponsors tell us to pray and meditate in order to hear the voice of the Spirit that dwells within. We cannot take for granted that our Higher Power is working within us if we do not ask each day for that to happen. When we search for God, we turn to where the Spirit lives, and come to know that it lives within and works throughout us.
I allow the Spirit of God,
as I understand the Spirit, to
manifest in and through me.
[W]e are developing a habit of self-examination, meditation and prayer that allows us to continue to grow in recovery and trusting God. Our spirit is awakened to the reality of God's abiding presence.
∼Chemically Dependent Anonymous P 77
January 22
The past is but the beginning of a beginning, and all that is and has been, is but the twilight of the dawn. ∼H.G. Wells
Each day is the beginning of our new life as we practice living it without the use of mind-affecting chemicals. We often hear, “Each day is a new beginning,” and, “Today is the first day of the rest of your life.” Does this mean that we forget the past and it counts for naught? Maybe being chemically dependent and walking through a living hell was not the past we wanted to base our new beginning on each day, but our past was, and continues to be, the beginning of this beginning. Without our past, we could not embark on today in this particular way. It took every single bit of our past to turn us into the strong, dedicated people we are today. For most of us, most of the time, we are pretty much in love with our new, clean, and sober beginnings.
Anytime I choose, I can begin today over again,
making any past the beginning
of a new beginning.
I recognize that my past is why I'm here today, and I accept that I can't change the things I did because they were meant to be. Those past events brought me down so I could look inside.
∼Chemically Dependent Anonymous P 216
January 23
Whenever a mind is simple, it