could ease the pain. But she didn’t have that choice.
“I guess I can take it a little longer.”
For the next fifteen minutes, she told Janice the story, leaving out the details she couldn’t bring herself to put into words. Austin paced outside, impatient to know what was going on, but Janice signaled him through the window to keep out. Finally Kate couldn’t go on anymore, and she fell silent.
“Kate, can I tell Dr. Austin about it? Is there anything you don’t want me to tell him?”
“No. I mean, it’s OK to tell him. But…,”
“Yes?”
“Is there a woman doctor who can treat me? Please? I just can’t…. I mean, I don’t want him to touch me any more than necessary. Please!” Her tone verged on desperation.
“I don’t know. I’ll try. It might take a while to find a woman, and you need treatment now. Can Dr. Austin start?”
The thought of another man touching her down there was so revolting that Kate thought she would gag. But she had no choice, did she? No choice, again. A few minutes ago she thought she was getting her life back, but it wasn’t happening, not yet.
Kate nodded, her lips a thin line. Janice left to speak to Austin. She related Kate’s story to the young doctor and told him she wanted a female physician. Austin’s face darkened at the request, but after a moment he shrugged, accepting the request.
“Okay, I guess she needs an OB/GYN anyway. We’ve got an agreement with a local German doctor. I’ll get in touch with her after I do the initial exam. For now, let’s get started.”
When they returned, Kate lay back and tried not to feel what Austin was doing. Instead, she concentrated on being out of the prison; on having a clean bed; on having food; on clean clothes; on seeing the sun; on knowing when it was day and when it was night; and especially on being released from the constant fear and pain. It still hurt now, but it would soon have an end.
Eventually the bleeding had been halted, the knife wounds and welts bandaged, and they had set up an IV to start the flow of fluids and medications her weakened body needed. When it was time to tell her the prognosis, Austin stood on one side of the bed, and Janice stood on the other. Although Austin spoke, Kate watched Janice, seeking and finding comfort in her brown eyes.
“Kate, there are several things we have to talk about. The cuts are already infected, and they’ve been treated. You know that the injuries to your genital area are extensive. Infection is a major danger. You’re going to need surgery.”
Kate had expected this. It was the rest she didn’t know about.
“Now, the baby. You’re anemic, you’re weak from loss of blood, you’re very underweight, your wounds are infected, and you’re forty-two years old. There are probably other risk factors we don’t know about yet. I’m sure you realize that none of this bodes well for a healthy pregnancy.”
Kate closed her eyes. She still didn’t know if she wanted the baby. Was he telling her that the baby would not be viable? Did she care? She was hopelessly confused. When she opened her eyes again, Austin was speaking.
“Before we do the surgery, we’ll perform an ultrasound on the baby to assess its viability. Then we can decide where to go next.”
Kate asked Austin: “What are the possibilities, on the ultrasound, I mean?”
“If the fetus is well developed and an acceptable size, and everything else looks good, we can try to go ahead with the pregnancy, if you want. The other option is, well…. Do you know when you conceived? If you’re still in the first trimester, we can abort the fetus during surgery.”
No, absolutely no, no abortion, Kate thought immediately, a reaction that befuddled her. Why in the world did she…? They were watching her, waiting for an answer about when she conceived, leaving her no time to consider her emotions. Damn, Kate swore to herself. How am I supposed to figure out when it happened? It has something to do with when my periods stopped but what exactly?
“How do I…?” She was embarrassed to admit she knew so little about being a woman.
Janice rescued her. “Usually we date it at two weeks after the end of your last period.”
She looked gratefully at Janice and then tried to reckon. She had been imprisoned in almost total darkness. There had been no day and no night, and she had lost the ability to differentiate one day from the next. She didn’t know exactly when her periods had stopped, but she could remember that she’d had two periods in the prison. It was hard to forget how awful that had been, having periods in her cell.
“What day is it?”
“Friday,” Austin said.
“No, no, what is the DATE?” she asked impatiently.
“July 10.”
She had been arrested on January 6, she knew that. Six months ago. Her first period must have started a few weeks later, say around February 1. If the second was around March 1, then March 6 was…. She reckoned. It must have been about the third week of March.
“Maybe four months ago?”
Austin frowned.
“Kate, that is into the second trimester, late for an abortion, but in my opinion, an abortion would be best for you and the baby.” He spoke as if it were a given that Kate would want an abortion, considering how the baby had been conceived.
Observing the stricken look on Kate’s face, Janice said: “Why don’t we wait until we know more?” Placing her hand on Kate’s arm, she told her: “Kate, you don’t have to make any decisions now. And any decision is YOURS, not Dr. Austin’s or anybody else’s.”
Again drawn into the comforting blanket of Janice’s warm brown eyes, Kate nodded, once more very grateful for her intervention. Janice held Kate’s gaze a little longer than might have been expected. Each wondered for a moment who the other truly was.
The moment passed as an oblivious Austin said: “We’ve got to do the surgery as soon as possible, so we’ll do the ultrasound in the next hour.”
For a reason she didn’t understand, the ultrasound frightened Kate much more than the surgery, even though she’d never had surgery before. In fact, she’d never been in a hospital for longer than a few hours.
“Good,” she said with conviction.“But who’s going to do the surgery? Is there a specialist here?”
“We have a local German specialist. I’ll contact her while the ultrasound technician is setting up the test.”
“Anything else?” Janice asked Kate.
“Could I have something for the pain, please?”
“All I can give you is Tylenol,” Austin said. “We have to be very careful with the baby. After we see how it’s doing, we can determine what pain medication to use. I’m sorry.” He left to take care of Kate’s test.
Damn baby, Kate swore to herself. But wait, she admonished herself. A minute ago I was thinking that I would refuse to let them abort it. What the hell is going on with me? My mind is all snarled up.
Janice had other tasks to take care of, but she decided to stay with Kate for a while, sensing how much she needed support. Gazing down at her, she noticed that Kate’s hair had fallen into her eyes. Janice reached out and gently pushed a few strands back. Kate smiled at her touch. Janice longed to touch her cheek but decided it was better not to.
After a few minutes of silence Kate asked: “Do you have any children, Janice?”
“Yes, a boy and a girl, Jason and Megan.They’re both in college now. Hard to believe they’re that old already,” she said with a sigh.
“Before your first one, how did you feel?” Kate had no idea how pregnant women were supposed to feel.
“Feel?