started to form in her mind, but she didn’t know if she could pull it off. She was very fuzzy from the Demerol and the pain and confusion. If only she had someone to talk to, she thought.
As if on cue, Holder entered the room. Shit, she thought, not him; never him.
“Kathryn, how’re you doing?” His attempt at sympathy came out like a demand for information.
“How do you think I’m doing, Holder?” She wondered why he always aggravated her, no matter what he said. Clear your mind, Kate, she warned herself. Be careful….
“I called Maggie Fremont from Landstuhl. She’s an OB/GYN, a specialist. She’ll do the surgery. She’s good.”
“God damn it! Would you stop calling me Kathryn!” Kate hissed. “You know I HATE to be called Kathryn.”
“Christ, Kath…Kate! You are a piece of work. I tell you I’ve got the best doctor to work on you, and all you do is curse at me for not using the name you want.”
“Me, a piece of work?” She was totally awake now. “Fuck, Holder! You left me in that stinking hell hole for SIX MONTHS. You could have gotten me out. You LEFT ME THERE TO ROT. Get out of my sight. Get out!” she screamed as her anger and resentment poured out.
“Damn it, Kate! We tried. It just didn’t work out. But I never thought they’d do…, this,” he gestured toward her, “They’ve got some agenda we don’t know about. But I will find out, I promise you. They’ll pay.”
“Fine. That makes me feel much better. Now just go away.” She turned her head away from him in disgust. She wasn’t in any mood for forgiveness.
He was not about to leave. There were other matters they needed to clear up.
“What are you going to do about the baby?”
She snapped her head back toward him. How the hell did HE find out about the baby, Kate asked herself? He probably forced it out of that kid Austin. Shit, she thought, everyone at the fucking prison knows about the baby; the staff at this hospital knows about the baby; Holder knows about the baby. Why didn’t she just run through the streets shouting that she had been knocked up by some deviant Stasi monster? Then they could all tell her what to do about it!
“That’s none of your business!” she yelled.
“Yes, Kathryn, it is my business,” he responded, dropping his voice menacingly.
“How do you figure that?” she asked, eyes dark with fury.
“You know, Kathryn. You are my business.”
She did know. It was the part of the job that she despised. She didn’t want to be anyone’s business except her own.
She made a decision. “Okay, Holder, I’ll tell you what.” She sat up a little and twisted to look him full in the face. It hurt; she ignored the pain. Kate still wasn’t sure about her plan, but he was pushing her into a corner, and she had to say something. “You’re going to give me a leave of absence….”
With a snort, Holder broke in. “Absolutely not, Kathryn. A leave of absence is out of the question. We don’t have maternity leave,” he said with a mocking laugh.
She continued as if he had not spoken: “… and I’m going to have the baby.”
After staring at her for a few seconds, he said firmly: “No. You can’t do your job and raise a child, Kate. That is ludicrous. And I need you back, as soon as you’re healthy.”
“Did I say anything about raising a child?” she spit back.
Holder’s eyebrows shot up. “Well, what then?”
“I’m going to give him up for adoption. Then you can have me back. That’s what you want, right? To have me back?” She didn’t want to go back to him, but she would. Afterward.
Holder shook his head and grimaced. “Kate, this whole idea is crazy. The shape you’re in, that baby will kill you. And who knows how the baby is, if you’re this bad. It could already be….”
“Shut up, you son of a bitch! Don’t you dare say that! And stop calling him ‘it’, damn you. He’s a boy!”
“Oh, for God’s sake! Are you getting all sentimental on me? I never knew you were the maternal type,” he said in a voice dripping with sarcasm.
“You never knew anything about me, Holder! Why don’t you just shut up and give me the leave. You know you can do it if you want to.”
“What if I say no?”
“Then I quit.” Kate said this quietly, but there was steel in her voice.
“You can’t do that,” Holder said, with a hint of a threat in his voice.
“Watch me. Just watch me,” she shot back, not giving an inch. Legally, she didn’t have a leg to stand on. But she would if necessary.
After a tense pause, she decided to try a different tack. “Look, Holder. Give me five months,” she wheedled. “It will take, what, three months for me to heal before I can get back to work? Add on a vacation, and that’s five months…. Not even as long as I was in that place.” It took a lot of self-control, but she managed to add: “Please, Holder.”
She had a point, Holder thought. It wasn’t so long. If he’d wanted to think about it, he might also have realized the idea appealed to his somewhat guilty conscience. He decided to give the plan some consideration.
“Kathryn…,”
The door opened, and Janice came in. Holder had been talking to Kate for a long time. Austin should have put an end to it, but he was too worried about the big man’s power. Janice was fully aware that this man was someone important, but she cared more about Kate than the mysterious Holder. She saw her sitting half way up in bed, clutching the blanket, green eyes sparking with anger.
“Sir, the patient is very ill. You must let her rest now, sir.”
Kate turned her head toward Janice. Where was the doctor, she wondered? Probably afraid of Holder; he had that effect on people. Now this nurse, she’s got balls, Kate thought with admiration.
Holder had a stare down with Janice. He finally looked away, glaring back at Kate.
“Okay, okay. Maggie will arrive soon, anyway.” Wagging a finger at her, he added: “This conversation is not over, Kathryn.”
Together Janice and Kate watched the door close behind him. Kate lay back, exhausted. She said: “Holder can be very intimidating.”
“Who is he, anyway?”
“My handler,” she said as if there were a bad taste in her mouth.
“Gad, that sounds terrible. Like you’re his trained animal, or something.”
Kate stared into the distance. “Or something. Can’t you see the collar?” At least HE thinks the collar is there, she thought cynically. All that’s missing is the leash.
Janice’s face made clear that she understood Kate’s implication, but she couldn’t think of a reasonable reply, so she said: “He’s called in a doctor from the big Army hospital in Landstuhl, Dr. Fremont. I know her by reputation. She’s very good. Your Holder must have some pull to get her here so fast.”
“Please, Janice. He’s not MY Holder,” she groaned. “Oh, yes. He’s got pull all right. Just not enough to get me out of that stinking prison until today.”
Janice came closer to the bed and reached forward to push another errant strand of hair off Kate’s forehead. At her touch, Kate gazed up into her eyes and immediately felt the same calm, the same peace she’d experienced before. Forgetting Holder, Kate reached out, took Janice’s hand and held it to her cheek. It felt very cool and smooth.
Leaving her hand on Kate’s cheek, Janice waited a few moments, then said: